Keara Lynne Hart - オンライン･メモリアル･ウェブサイト

Being here where I last saw you 3 years ago is so hard! I can't believe I will never see you again. I remember the last time we saw each other as if it were just yesterday. I used to love coming to the Fair every year because I got to see you and the kids. The kids still came and it was so sad that you were not with them. I do love seeing them though. They make me happy too. You would be so proud of them. They are growing up so much and are such great kids. Tori was talking to me the other day and some mannerism she did was so you. She is a lot like you. I remember the first time I came to this fair. You came with us and had Justin in a car stroller. He slept in the stroller part of the time while you went on rides and we walked around. I think after that, you came to visit us here every year. The last year, you came more than you ever had. Who knew it would be the last time we saw each other. I wish I had known more about what you were going through. I wish I had known that the story you told me about what a stranger had done to you then was really the "monster" and not a stranger at all. Looking back I feel like you really wanted me to know, but just couldn't bring yourself to tell me it was him. I remember you getting right in my face and asking if I could tell where he had bitten your nose. I said I couldn't. You told me you were having trouble sleeping at night because you were scared. I wish I had questioned you more and could have done more. All I did was give you the money you told me he had stolen from your purse because I knew you couldn't afford to lose that. I am your big sister. I should have done more and now I can't do anything for you. I tried to down play the whole thing because first of all I could not believe it had happened to you and second of all I wanted to try to make you feel better. Now I know I should not have down played it at all. The fair is also the only place I ever met "the monster" when you introduced us to him. I never saw him again until the day I had to face him in court for his sentencing. Karl and I both wondered why you were with such a loser the day we met him. We knew that you deserved so much better than him even not knowing his history or what the future with him held. You were such a good person and beautiful too. He was a user and just an ugly person in every way. I know you thought you could help him because that was how you thought and lived your life. That is because you were so good and sweet. I hope he rots in hell on earth and for eternity too.

Lauren, Karl, and Cooper are here for the state fair and I have been able to see Lauren and Cooper quite a bit. He is so cute!! I hope you can see him. There are things about him that remind me of you, especially his exuberance. Last Sat. Lauren, Cooper, me, Tori and Justin spent the day together and then went to Justin's footbabll game. Being with eberyone makes me feel good but so sad that you are not here with us. You would so love Cooper and he would love you just like we all do. I miss you so much. I still struggle with having to live without you and that you were murdered. I just don't understand any of it and I hate it. I am trying to write this and crying at the same time. I don't know if I believe there is a God and if there is why did this happen. You didn't deserve this. Your kids didn't deserve to have their mother murdered. None of us deserved to have you taken from us. You were such a good friend to so many people Keara. Your old friend Amy contacted me and she is so devastated. She didn't even know about your death until the article in the paper. She's probably going to come to the support group. I hope there is a heaven or a pace where I will see you again, because I didn't have you in my life long enough. I love you and miss you more than I could ever describe in words. Mama

I woke up early this morning with thoughts of you. Last night I watched John Edwards on TV and looked up his website to see when he might be in this area. He will be in Charlotte on April 5th 2009, the third anniversary of your death. I am going to try to go. I have a feeling that if I do you will show up. Sometimes it just overwhelms me that  you are gone and that you died the way you did. People tell me that this was God's will? I don't get it. What kind of God would let this happen. I sit here with the collaqe of pictures in front of me and the memories flood in and I cry. I miss you so much. What a beautiful girl. Last night I went to Justin's football game. Millie brought Tyler, Matt, and Sammy. I am glad there were people there from our side of the family. They didn't win the game but played really well. I hope you can see your children from where you are because my heart aches that you are not here to be with them. I know you would have been loudly cheering Justin on.Me and the kids are going to visit Geandpa today. It perks him up a little when they are around. I will give him a big hug and kiss from you. Love, Mama

Leigh and I went to the National Day of Remembrance for Homicide Victims in DC. It was so sad and moving. We cried. It also inspired me yet again to help as many people as I can and to do everything I can to help stop this violence. So many peole I've met have had their loved ones murdered by people who have spent a lot of time in prison. Our justice system is so screwed up. When I think about your murder I get so angry that he was even out there to kill you. I just hope and pray Keara that I will be with you again. You were not here long enough. People want me to just think of the memories and be happy. That is not possible at least for me and in fact it seems kind of crazy. I am glad I have the memories and that you were here but how can I not hurt to know that you are not? All I can do is try to be here for your kids and anyone else I can, and hope I can help somehow. I know you would want that, you were helping people when you were here and I am going to continue to do that for you, them, and myself.

The other night I was so sad and was writing a letter to you. I asked (begged fpr a sign from you.} You probably wish I would leave you alone!! Anyway I went to bed and the candle with the glass heart was lit. I didn't do so did you? I know a lot of eople think I'm crazy but I knowhat I saw, When those kinds of thing happen I have to believe it' you. How I wish that you could you could be here in person. Maybe you will come to me in dreams. I love you!! Mama