It will soon be Christmas and we will go to Aunt Marie's as usual. I remember so many Christmases with you and it makes me so sad that you will not be with us. Your kids are growing up so fast and it makes my heart ache that you are not here to see them and to guide them. With all that you went through in your life you could teach them many lessons. I still have the last gift you gave me for Christmas. It is a candle and it smells like pumpkin spice. I hardly ever burn it because I don't want it to be gone. As I look around the house I see other gifts that you have given me and I would not part with them for anything. I miss you so much Keara. There are no words to express how much. All I know is that I have a big hole in my heart and nothing can fill it. I miss you all day every day. I hope you are at peace and that I will see you again. I used to get what I thought were signs from you. I have been having dreams about you but unfortunately they have been nightmares. I hope you can come visit me again.
Thinking of you always ..stay close to your mom !! love to you both xoxoxo
Thirty Five years ago about this time of day you were born. You must have been anxious to come into this world because my labor was short. On the other hand you were two weeks late. It was obvious that part of your heritage was Native American. I could see it in your beautiful face. Lauren and Wayne loved you at first sight. They were so anxious for me to get home from the hospital so that they could hold you. Not long before you were so violently taken from this life you told me that you thought God was saving you for something. I do know that when I have told your story it hits home for people that are in abusive relationships. Your life is something to be celebrated and I would not trade having you in my life. I hope when you died that you were born into a better place. I love you so much.
I had a reading the other day. You didn't have a lot to say but you mentioned the yellow flowers in your garden. You told me not to blame myself for what happened to you. You said it was going to happen anyway. You mentioned my friend Marilyn by first and last name and said u were concerned for her, and that she needed to kick her abusive boyfriend out.You also mentioned Justin and Tori quite a bit. And then Marilyn called me out of the blue. So all in all it felt like you were communicating with me. You said u were around us all the time.
On Saturday, I went with Justin and Victoria to get my tattoo. It is a blue butterfly with a few red hearts around it and your signature. The kids were both giggling when I was getting it. I don't know if they were embarrassed or thought it was cool. Justin was looking around at all the tattoos on the walls and told me he wanted to get one when he is 18. I told him not to get something he would regret later. He came up with the idea of a stairway going up into the clouds with Mom on it. He came up with it because you loved the song "Stairway to Heaven" and so does he. I thought it was such a good idea.
