It is the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I was at Freedom House and another woman knew you and D but didn't know you were murdered. Telling the story is so hard and emotional but I hope I can help somebody. Tionight I was remembering how you would start most conversations with me by saying " Hey Mama what"s up?" It was so endearing and you were the only one that still called me mama. I miss that and I miss you so much. On Sunday your kids and I started planting a memorial garden for you. I got flowers that would attract butterflys and hummingbirds. I know you would like that. I miss you so much. Even though a year has gone by since you died I sometimes still can't believe it and just want to wake up and find out that this has all been a dream. Your personality still lives on in Tori. She is so much like you. Justin has your sensitivity and Tori has both your sensitivity and your exuberance. The tears I cry seem endless. I read that the extent of your sadness and tears is a measure of the love you feel. I have so much love for you that I imagine there will be tears of missing you for the rest of my life. I love you Keara. Your Mama
When you were little and we lived in Arkansas you always liked to run aroun naked. We went to NY to do a show and you went to Robin's baby shower with Grandma. They dressed you up in a pretty dress and fancy shoes and and I guess you were not comfortable so you went back to the bedroom and took off all your clothes and came back to the shower naked. They kept dressing you and you kept getting undressed. Everyone got a kick out of it except Grandma wondered about my parenting skills and thought I was raising a real hillbilly. It was so funny!
I remember when we used to go to the park and you would push me and Tori on the swings. And you played with me alot.
Love,
Seanathon
April 5th 2006 was the last time I spoke to you. I talked to you twice that night. I remember you telling me that you had called Grandpa and I said that I was glad you were keeping in touch with him since he was old and we didn't know how long you would be around. Every time you called Grandpa he would later say " I love that kid" On that same night you also told me you didn't know how long you would be around either. In retrospect I have wondered if you knew that you would not live much longer. Your life was taken1 1/2 hrs. later. I am so grateful that we had been talking every day, and the last words we were "I love you" Today is April 5th 2007. I can't belive it's been a year since your death. Today the kids and I got flowers to plant at your grave and spent time at my house and out to dinner. Whenever I am with them I see so much of you. This week has been incredibly hard. I miss you more than it's possible to communicate but I hope you feel all the love that I have for you and always will. There is nothing that will ever fill the part of my heart that belongs to you . There is a collage of pictures here in front of me and you are in all of them. i am glad of the time we had together and I cherish every memory. I do wish that we had gotten the time to build more of them. I never expected for you to die before me. It seems so unfair. I would have gladly given my life to have you spared but that is not what happened so instead I will hold you in my heart and do everything I can to honor you and I will try my hardest to help some of the people you wanted to help.
I remember when we ecorated this Christmas tree last yearwith the ornaments we made. I love you and I miss you.
Love,
Justin
