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Justin is here today working for me. He was trimming back some vines and there was a black snake amongst the vines and he was scared. I told him the story about you at that show where there was a petting zoo and you were just a little girl. We came up to a man that had a big python in a box and you were upside down in the box petting the snake. Then the man took it out and let you hold it. You were all smiles. Justin said he guessed he didn't take after you in that department.
Spring is here. Everything is blooming including some of the flowers in your garden. I am so sad because I think you should be here to see it and you are not. I know that I can't change that but I want to. I do have happy memories of you but I still haven't learned to separate those from the fact that you are gone. It is really hard right now because on Monday it will be 4 years. I am going to try to get Justin and Victoria that day and go to the cemetary with flowers for you. I love and miss you so much.
I have been looking through old pictures and as I do I cry. I look at your beautiful young face, sweet and innocent. I think about that what I wanted for you was to be happy. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that you are gone and especially that you were murdered. Sometimes I think that this can't be real but then it slams me all over again that it is. I am still learning to live without you and can't say I am doing a very good job. I manage to get through the days but not much more than that. The pain of losing you is still so fresh. There is nobody like you Keara and I miss you with all my heart. I'd give anything to have my little girl back.
Today I got a picture from Aunt Marie. It showed you, me, Leigh, Aunt Myra, Bonnie , Heather, Keely, and Glen in the pool Aunt Marie had in her backyard in NY. We all looked so happy. I miss those times. I miss you! You were such a strong prescence in my life and still are. I wish you were here to continue to make more happy memories. Now all I have is the past with you and I can only hope there will be a future with you also. I love you.
Keara I remember the day that you sat on the deck with me and told me you didn't want to leave to go to Freedom House. I told you that it was your choice but you couldn't continue to live with me and use drugs. I continue to feel so guilty. You did go to Freedom House and got clean and you stayed clean but you met D there and he ended up killing you. Even though people tell me it's not my fault and I tell myself the same thing I still feel so terribly guilty. I just hope with all my heart that you are in a better place and that I will see you again. I love you Keara.
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