I went to the Parents of Murdered Children conference in Ca. earlier this month and also got to visit with Lauren, Karl and Cooper. It was so nice to spend time with them. Cooper is so cute and it made me sad to realise that he will never meet you and know you. You who loved babies so much and would have been so thrilled for Lauren and Karl. The conference was really good but also incredibly sad. There were over 600 people there who had all had at least one family member murdered. Your name was on the Murder Wall. Who would have thought I would ever see that. This is not what I imagined for your life. Your life that was so brutally taken. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact you were murdered. How could anyone do that? I vividly remember our last conversation on the night you were killed. You were so excited about going to work at Freedom House. You could and would have helped so many people. Yesterday was my Birthday and I was so sad. I spent the day alone and crying most of the time. I know you would have gone out with me if you were here and probably brought Justin and Tori too. This time of year is so hard with my bday and then yours coming up. You would be 33, still so young and yet you didn't get to live past 30. I miss you so much Keara and would give anything for you to be alive. I want to go back in time. I want you back and I know that can't be. I love you . Mama
I remember the time Mom was in the hospital in Tennessee and you and Leigh and I all drove up there. We stayed in a local hotel and had a great time together. One night we were watching The Shining on TV and I hate scary movies. You and Leigh always loved them. Anyway, I was talking to Karl on the phone and he told me to go write Redrum on the mirror in lipstick so that when the two of you got up to use the bathroom in the night you would see it and freak out. Well, I did it but instead of scaring the two of you, I scared myself! I got up several times that night and every time I saw that on the mirror it scared me even though I wrote it! I told you and Leigh what I had done the next morning and that I had scared myself. You both thought that was so funny. I can still see your smile and hear you laughing at me about that.
Unfortunately, what was such a good memory is now clouded because when I think of that word I don't think about the movie. I think about what happened to you.
I miss you so much. I still can't believe you are gone sometimes. I just want you back. I love you so much. That will never change. There is a part of my heart where you will always live.
Love,
Lauren
I am back from Comfort Zone Camp. The kids had a really good time and want to go back again. I am so glad there is a place like that for them to go to. I talked to both of their big buddies and they both opened up quite a bit. Victoria broke down and cried. Justin did karoke and sang Sweet Home Alabama!! I had a feeling he might do that. He wants to go back to camp and become a junior counselor. The kids are now with Leigh in Maryland. I miss you Keara and I always will. I hope that I will see you again.
Yesterday Justin turned 14 and It was such a hard day for me. I had to go to physical therapy right accross the street from the hospital where he was born. I remember that day so vividly. You had quite a crowd- me Leigh Jason, Brenda, Jane and I'm not sure about Charlie. You did a lot of screaming and Leigh said she was never going to have kids after that. You presented me with my first grandchild after you were in labor for a long time and then had to have a ceasarian and it was such a thrilling experience to meet him after nine months. He was so cute and still is. I so wish you were still here Keara to see your children growing and for them to still have you in their life. I never knew it was possible to miss someone so much. Love, Mom
This is not an actual memory...I know that it has been a long time since I left you a message..but for some reason today, I was walking and look up at the sky and I seen a cloud in the form of an angel. My first thoughts was of my best friend that passed away, but then you came to my mind all of a sudden, it was like the most beautiful thing I have every witness. I have been going through some ups and downs for these past months. Yet when that angel appeared I felt a since of peace. I really beliveve in my heart you are that angel. Although I have never seen you or have spoke to you, you will always be in my heart. And I thank you so much for making such a big difference in my life.
Much Love and God's Blessings,
Lynette
