Memórias
Tomorrow I am going to a conference sponsored by the US Justice Project. I will be speaking about your murder and will be focusing on trying to get laws changed to protect victims of DV. It is very hard for me to tell your story but I believe you would want me to in order to try to help prevent other women and other families to have to go through what you and we have gone through. No matter how much I realize that there is nothing I can do to bring you back I know you would want me to continue to try to do what I can. You are my inspiration Keara and so are your siblings and children. I know that I only can play a small part in making changes but I hope your story can touch people to do something.I want people to know how important your life was to so many people and it will continue to be . I love and miss you with every breath I take.
I am looking at the pictures of you and there is one of you, me and Leigh at the airport before you went to Tennesee. I remember feeling so sad knowing you would be away for a year and wondering how I would ever get through it. I remember the letters you wrote me that year and still have them. I remember one in particular when you begged me to come home because you missed me so much.Little did I know that there would come a time that I would miss you for the rest of my life. I had a reading on your Birthday and Karen, the medim gave me many messages from you. You were very clear that you want me to remember you as you lived and I do every day. I wish I could say that it only brings me joy but I still just miss you so much so it's so hard. You wanted me to look out for your kids and I will do as much as I can. I will help them to get through this and whatever other challenges they will go through in their lives. I will love them and watch over them. I love you so much. In the reading you said you wanted me to dress up for Halloween. I guess you remember me doing that. Was that your way of telling me to have fun? You want me to be silly and playful which is how I remember you. I look foward to the day we can be together again. Mama
Today I should be calling you and wishing you a happy birthday, maybe asking if you got your gift yet or telling you it was on the way. . I can't believe that you would have been 32 today, and in 7 months I will be the same age as you will eternally be. In another year I will be older than you, my big sister. It just doesn't make sense. For some reason I was thinking of that nickname we made up for Lauren: warweenie ( I know nothing to do with your birthday). I can't remember how we came up with that but we laughed forever about it. It made me smile. I was thinking about how you would call me LeighLeigh and I can hear you saying it in my head. You had that certain way of saying it. I'm glad that hasn't faded, I don't want to forget what you sounded like. I hope I never do. It is hard to believe that we will never get to spend your birthday with you again but I think that you are here in spirit. I hope that wherever you are you can feel how much we all love and miss you. Happy birthday Keara! I love you, LeighLeigh
Sitting here, on your birthday, I have finally read all the memories posted here. I have cried a lot. I remember so many things about you. It's hard for me to talk about a lot of it, as there is always the reminder that you are gone, those times are gone, I missed so much of you, and now I'll never get the chance to know you more. I am so grateful to have spent the time with you that I was able to. Precious moments, even things like fights between us! You were so strong and stubborn...boy, were we a match! I wish I could have known more of the woman you became. Our phone calls were precious, but far too few in number. I am crushed by the loss of all possibility to spend time with you, reconnect, tell stories, know you as a mom... Losing you has sucked the air out of the world. So completely impossible to understand, reconcile with my senses. It is nothing short of a total nightmare, to realize that the impossible is possible, that we could lose you like that. You are so deeply in my heart and in my thoughts. I miss you terribly, and ache for the loss of your family. Happy Birthday sweet girl... wish it was an untainted celebration. I love you truly.
On this your Birthday I remember the first time I saw you. I looked into your beautiful eyes and at your beautiful face and was so in love with you.I have so many wonderful memories of you which overshadow the challenges.I hope that someday I can think of your birthday with only joy but I am not there yet. Even though I believe that you still exist on some other level I want to touch you and hear your voice and see you so I cry because I can"t. I am so glad that I had the opportunity to be your mother. You are so special and sweet and giving and I know you are with me today as I am with you. Happy Birthday honey. I miss your wonderful exuberant personality. I miss talking to you every day and I hope we will be together again. I didn't get to be with you long enough and I miss you more than I can possibly express. Love your Mama
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