Yesterday was Valentine's Day which was the last holiday I saw you. You came in with Justin and Tori and gave me a choclate rose that is still in a vase on my windowsill where I see it every day. I am grateful I didn't eat it which is a miracle as much as I like chocolate. I have been missing you so much. I saw Justin and Tori the other day and they just look so much like you and I can see you in different parts of their personalities. I wish so much that you could be here too. I hope you were celebrating Valentines day with other angels who have become your friends and with our family members who have joined you. I miss you so much Keara. You had quite the personality and not having you in my life so diminishes it and there is nothing that replaces you. I love you my sweet beautiful girl. Mama
Grandpa passed away a week ago Friday and I miss him so much. It feels so strange not to have parents anymore. Grandpa always told me how much he loved you and how glad he was whenever you called. You cheered him up with your sweet bubbly self. I hope he is with you and Grandma now. It is so hard to keep losing family members. Great Grandma is probably teaching you yiddish and cooking for all of you and you are keeping everyone laughing. Grandma is talking a lot and Grandpa is doing his one liners. You and Granma are probably trying to outdo each other with who can talk the most!! I love and miss you all day every day.
It is New Year's Day and I woke up this morning thinking about the year ahead and all the years in the past. you would probably have called me last night to wish me a Happy New Year or I would have called you. Instead the phone was silent. I wished you a Happy New Year anyway. I can't begin to say how much I miss you. I thught time would heal and maybe in time I will. But now I still hurt so much and it makes me so sad and also so angry that you are not here to live your life and share it so much. I went to a counselor the other day who had seen youa couple of times. He told me how happy and excited you were about living your life clean, how your goal was to help people. He told me how shcoked and addened he was by yourdeath. As time goes on I meet more and more people whose lives you touched. You would have touched so many more Keara. but you still are even though you are no longer here. When I think of you and the kind of personyou were I know that you would not want me to be so sad and I really am trying not to be but it is so hard. I miss you alll day every day and I want you to be here. I want Justin and Tori to have their Mommy. tori got a hamster the other day and named him critter. She was so excited. I am going to try to spend this new year to do more to honor your memory and live in a way that would make you proud. I look foward to the day that I will be with you again. I love and miss you so much.
Mama
It is the day before Christmas and as I look at all the pictures I cry. I wnat you here with us. Tori spent the last couple of nights with me and slept with me and the dogs. We looked at your website and she lit a candle. She is sad misssing you. Poor little girl. She is so sweet and definitely has your personality. Justin is growing so much and I can't believe in four years he will be the age you were when you had him. The kid's will be going with me to Aunt Marie's for Christmas and as always it makes me so sad that you won't be with us, I hope that you will be with us even though I know it won't be in a physical way. You definitely will be in our hearts as you always are. I love you Keara and miss you more than I can ever express. I am still trying to figure how to live this life without you. Love Mama
I was remembering the other day when we lived in Tega Cay and we were going to the Renaissance Festival. You were supposed to meet us there with the kids. Leigh and Seanie were there and I think maybe Mom. As the day went on there was no sign of you and we began to worry. We called Jason and he had not heard from you either. Leigh and I ended up driving over an hour towards your house to meet Jason half way to look for you.
It turns out your car had broken down and you ended up having to take a cab with the kids to the festival. We were so relieved to see you!
Nothing was ever easy for you was it? You always had a smile on your face though and love for everyone. I miss you so much that my heart physically aches and I get a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of what happened to you. I always wonder how much you knew at the end and how much you suffered. I always hope that you did not know what was happening, but I am afraid that you did. You did not deserve this and I just hope you are in a good place now and that you know how much we all continue to love you. You are never out of my thoughts. I hope I will be with you again.
Your sister,
Lauren
